We wouldn’t be parents if it weren’t for the birth mother that chose us to be the parents to her unborn child. It is that simple. But how do we celebrate those unselfish people? Here are some ideas on how we can celebrate them and the decision they made.
If you are familiar with adoption at all, you probably know about Birth Mother’s Day. It is usually celebrated the Saturday before the traditional Mother’s Day, or the first Saturday in May. Your relationship with your child’s birth mother is, will depend on how you celebrate the day. Likewise, if you want to celebrate the birth father in your life, I suggest using the Saturday before the traditional Father’s Day to remember your child’s birth father. Society has not pressed the celebration of Birth Father’s Day as much as Birth Mother’s Day but if you have a relationship with him or want to express your gratitude towards him, please take these suggestions and use them for your child’s birth father.
If you have an open adoption, you may want to contact your child’s birth mother on the day just to remind her how thankful you are for her and her decision to make an adoption plan. Having your child make a handmade card and sending it to her may also be another good idea. We also like the idea of sharing our son’s adoption story with him on this day. It is a great way to remember the sacrifice she made and talk about his birth mother in a positive way.
If you don’t have an open adoption, you could still make a card or send a letter to your agency if they have a way of getting in touch with her. Even if your relationship is semi-open, I can imagine she would appreciate even the smallest gesture to show you have not forgotten her. Also, take this time to talk to your children about their adoption story. This is a great day to share and reminisce about becoming a family.
If you have a closed adoption or have very little knowledge about your child’s birth mother, you should still talk to them about their adoption story and share what information you have, if appropriate. As your adoptive children get older, this would also be a good time to ask them to write a letter to their birth mother or father and express how they feel or what they would like to say to them. This way it is still an opportunity to talk about their adoption story and their feelings at the same time.
If you are anything like me, giving thanks to your child’s birth mother and/or father one day per year just doesn’t seem right. I wouldn’t be able to hear the sweet whisper of “mom” without her. We also have a very beautiful, open relationship with our son’s birth mother, which lead to the creation of our blog together at www.threeismyhappyplace.com. Where we both share the joys and struggles of raising a child in a very open relationship. We have spent weekends together camping, hotel stays, birthday celebrations, church services, and more trying to figure out how to balance an open adoption relationship.
I recently read an article where they suggested planting a tree in celebration of Birth Mother’s Day. I thought this was such a beautiful idea. What a great way to remember and celebrate the special day. They also suggested making a donation to a certain charity in place of buying gifts. The adoption relationship can be complicated at times and maybe your child’s birth mother or father doesn’t want a gift to be reminded of their decision but planting a tree or making a donation in their name would be a great way to celebrate their decision and not let go of their memory.